After the UPS delivery guy dropped off my passport with my new visa, I flipped through the pages and couldn't help but smile. I am so incredibly lucky. To be so young, and have had the chance to visit so many places. The UK, France, Hong Kong, Australia, Switzerland. This was the life I had dreamed for myself just few years ago, and had told myself to accept that it was never going to happen. That I should learn to be content with the least of my dreams because that way I wouldn't be disappointed. I was wrong. To think that just 6 years ago, I didn't even want to go to college, and now I have a B.A. and am starting an M.S. In another country, 4000 miles from where I was born and raised and lived the past 24 years of my life. So, thanks life. You're pretty great.

There's a little life in us yet...

Trying to steer my choices for health and wellness back on course, as they always seem to veer off track, never proves easy for me. Remember to take my vitamins, eat less junk and more whole foods, and get back into regular yoga, which always make me feel better. I think when Autumn rolls around every year it is always a contemplative season for me. I start to think about my life, and the person I've become, and where I'm going. Sometimes, I think too much and worry myself to the edge of a proverbial cliff, only to try and back myself away from the edge. The more calm I can choose to be, the better I can get through daily life, and the better I treat the people around me. I have a lot going on, both mentally, and in my daily life, and I'm not always good at balancing everything. I realized yesterday, while I was at home in a bit of a funk, and trying to move out from it, that I'm no longer a "if a end up do this" kind of person. No "shh you'll jinx it" mentallity. It's now  "when I do this". No room for failure. It's now "When I move to London...". It will happen. Maybe not in the way I'd prefer, or in my given time frame, but I will make it happen. Instead of looking as possible rejection from graduate school the first time around as a crushing blow to my life plans, I'm trying to view it as a small delay in a larger movement that I'm making in my life. I have a desire to start a life there, to build something of value. I'm normally not a person who counts on other people, or who makes plans around them, but in this case, I want to. When I think about life, it's only enhanced and made more full by having someone to share it with. I feel extremely lucky, and best of all, no longer paralyzed by the fear of being left, or being alone. I know I can handle those things, if they should happen.  I'm glad I can finally enjoy being part of a relationship. The distance may be frustrating for now, but I believe we can survive it and continue to grow, together. If I could only have a little bit more of his patience, that would be nice.

The Oval facing West

The ennui has set in. My desire to put forth effort with everything from doing the dishes to writing papers has dwindled. Only a month left until I go back to London, and I can breathe and relax. and read large amounts of non-academic books. As much as I love learning new things and being in school, the two intense 5 week term linguistics based math classes I just finished, sucked up all the gumption I had. I need a break from college life for a little bit.

This is the view from the penthouse reading room in the library on campus. The newly renovated building quietly opens to the public on Monday. I have relished being able to explore its nooks and crannies without interruption.

I am also looking forward to our visit to Paris, as I never thought I would see the city as this young of an age. I had always planned on going, but to explore it with someone who means so much to me makes it more...magical, I suppose. I can't thank him enough for all of his support and love. I plan on taking lots of photos and video, and really documenting the time we spend together in the City of Lights

I always seem to get caught up with the worry and the details of life, and forget to take a step back and enjoy my youth. I haven't felt much for writing lately, but then again I haven't made a strong effort and building habits of writing often. In my teens writing was my only solace and comfort after my father passed away. It was how I grieved and coped with the world around me. Looking back on some of those pieces, I'm embarrassed at how "bad" they are, but I'm so glad I've kept them. They serve a purpose. It's nice to be reminded that whatever comes my way in the next few years, I'll be able to cope and thrive. I'm beginning to feel the pressure of graduation and the search for schools. I know what I want, but I'm always worried it's not what I need. Of course I'm afraid of failing, but I've spent so much of my life up to this point avoiding risk, that it feels really good to take a chance. On my myself, on love, and even on life. Even though I have a lot on my plate this summer, I hope I can find time to read and write for pleasure, and to truly enjoy my life, just as it is, right now.

There are moments in life, where I feel so overwhelmed at the amount of stuff that I need to accomplish, that I simply want to stick my head in the sand and cry ostrich. A week or two ago, I stumbled across a shining beacon of graduation hope. I went to meet with my major department's academic counselor, who informed me that I could graduate in December, at the end of Fall quarter. That's a whole two quarters ahead of where I though I was projected to finish. Due to some departmental restructuring, I only have one 5 credit hour course left before I am finished with my major, leaving a handful of general education credits left for me to take care of. Two quarters worth of credits, actually. What seemed like that distant spot off in the distance with the vauge feeling of needing to look into graduate schools, suddenly is only months away. I am thrilled to be graduating so soon, as it will allow me to have more time and build up a cushion for the move to England. Now, I can start officially freaking out about applying to grad school. The fun never ends, does it?

During the school year I spend a large amount of time reading. I enjoy literature and love books, and often I find that the texts I read for classes I keep and add to my collection once the class is over. Only three weeks into the quarter, and I already know I'll be keeping at least three of the books I have read thus far. I keep things organized through Good Reads and I really enjoy seeing what other people think about works I have in my collection or ones I would like to add. Someday I'll have ample space to dedicate to books in my home, but for now I will settle for the original built in next to my fireplace, and various other stashing spots for my library.