There's a little life in us yet...

Trying to steer my choices for health and wellness back on course, as they always seem to veer off track, never proves easy for me. Remember to take my vitamins, eat less junk and more whole foods, and get back into regular yoga, which always make me feel better. I think when Autumn rolls around every year it is always a contemplative season for me. I start to think about my life, and the person I've become, and where I'm going. Sometimes, I think too much and worry myself to the edge of a proverbial cliff, only to try and back myself away from the edge. The more calm I can choose to be, the better I can get through daily life, and the better I treat the people around me. I have a lot going on, both mentally, and in my daily life, and I'm not always good at balancing everything. I realized yesterday, while I was at home in a bit of a funk, and trying to move out from it, that I'm no longer a "if a end up do this" kind of person. No "shh you'll jinx it" mentallity. It's now  "when I do this". No room for failure. It's now "When I move to London...". It will happen. Maybe not in the way I'd prefer, or in my given time frame, but I will make it happen. Instead of looking as possible rejection from graduate school the first time around as a crushing blow to my life plans, I'm trying to view it as a small delay in a larger movement that I'm making in my life. I have a desire to start a life there, to build something of value. I'm normally not a person who counts on other people, or who makes plans around them, but in this case, I want to. When I think about life, it's only enhanced and made more full by having someone to share it with. I feel extremely lucky, and best of all, no longer paralyzed by the fear of being left, or being alone. I know I can handle those things, if they should happen.  I'm glad I can finally enjoy being part of a relationship. The distance may be frustrating for now, but I believe we can survive it and continue to grow, together. If I could only have a little bit more of his patience, that would be nice.

The Oval facing West

The ennui has set in. My desire to put forth effort with everything from doing the dishes to writing papers has dwindled. Only a month left until I go back to London, and I can breathe and relax. and read large amounts of non-academic books. As much as I love learning new things and being in school, the two intense 5 week term linguistics based math classes I just finished, sucked up all the gumption I had. I need a break from college life for a little bit.

This is the view from the penthouse reading room in the library on campus. The newly renovated building quietly opens to the public on Monday. I have relished being able to explore its nooks and crannies without interruption.

I am also looking forward to our visit to Paris, as I never thought I would see the city as this young of an age. I had always planned on going, but to explore it with someone who means so much to me makes it more...magical, I suppose. I can't thank him enough for all of his support and love. I plan on taking lots of photos and video, and really documenting the time we spend together in the City of Lights

I always seem to get caught up with the worry and the details of life, and forget to take a step back and enjoy my youth. I haven't felt much for writing lately, but then again I haven't made a strong effort and building habits of writing often. In my teens writing was my only solace and comfort after my father passed away. It was how I grieved and coped with the world around me. Looking back on some of those pieces, I'm embarrassed at how "bad" they are, but I'm so glad I've kept them. They serve a purpose. It's nice to be reminded that whatever comes my way in the next few years, I'll be able to cope and thrive. I'm beginning to feel the pressure of graduation and the search for schools. I know what I want, but I'm always worried it's not what I need. Of course I'm afraid of failing, but I've spent so much of my life up to this point avoiding risk, that it feels really good to take a chance. On my myself, on love, and even on life. Even though I have a lot on my plate this summer, I hope I can find time to read and write for pleasure, and to truly enjoy my life, just as it is, right now.

It is a rainy November today. The weather had been beautiful for the past few days. Breezy and warm and almost like spring. Except for the crunching of leaves underfoot and the literal smell of fall in the air. Those things I love. I am relishing these last few days spent outside without snow. I'm stalling the drive to work in the hopes that the UPS man will deliver a package from Saffron Rouge. I've been anxiously awaiting. Horst Rechelbacher of Aveda fame has launched a new line called Intelligent Nutrients that I've been waiting to try since June when they announced it's creation. I feel like trying my hand at product reviewing, so these two new products will be the testing ground. Needless to say I am really excited. I love to see progress in organic product formulation and new packaging that makes preservatives a thing of the past. I keep promising myself that I'm going to settle on what this blog is "really" about and update more regularly. Maybe someday I'll make good on that promise. Until then, I think I'll have another cup of tea and watch the rain fall a bit before really starting my day.

I accepted a new job with a tea company that is opening a store in my city. Training and team building has been fun so far, and I think I'm really going to enjoy working for this company. I'm a huge tea nerd so the chance to learn more about it and have fun with customers while doing so is awesome. I'm taking a French course this summer to catch back up and finish my GEC requirements for my undergraduate degree. I feel a bit overwhelmed by the teaching style, but I think it is helping my comprehension. C'est trés difficile, mais bon pour moi. I'm trying to be more diligent about keeping up with schoolwork and house work and balancing out the various areas of my life that seem to feel overwhelming at times. The more I stress out the more I seem to wreck my life, so I'm really trying to keep myself in line.

I'm on the look out for a new job again, and within this week I've applied for 2 positions at a new tea bar/tea emporium that is opening up in my city, and received a pseudo job offer to help out at my Naturopath's office. I would be thrilled with both. The tea company seems like a good bet with flexible scheduling, and it's still a privately owned company, which pleases me. I'd get to learn even more about tea and put my(if I do say so myself) excellent customer service skills to use for a company that actually appreciates them. My Naturopath's office is set back in a wooded section with beautiful landscaping and tons of wildlife. That would make me so happy. It's such a calming and beautiful facility. The thing that struck me the most during the informal interview I had with the clinic's owner, was that she said being committed to constantly improving your health was a job requirement. Who wouldn't want that?! I'm excited about moving on from where I am now. I'm just not as passionate about the position anymore, and feel overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated by the company. I know I know, join the club, right? I suppose it's the curse of being Generation Y. I expect far to much out of my employer. I know how far I'm willing to go if an employer will support me and encourage growth, and it is pretty far. I'd like to see some reciprocal growth, both mine and the company's.

It’s amazing how packing up your belongings into big brown boxes and carting them from one place to another can change your perception of the way you live. Seeing things, and I do mean things as they really are, for what they really are. All the junk you accumulate suddenly isn’t so important. Those objects that matter most come clearly into view. Having moved several times in the past 3 years, I feel in a constant state of flux. I barely become at home in my surroundings. I hope this new space will change all that. I'm making the effort to set up a physical space that will affect my disposition in a positive way, instead of just being a reflection of my mental and emotional state by the level of clutter and disarray. Settling in to a new space really feels like purging your soul of all the gunk it collects in day to day life. I really do hope I’ve left behind some of those old habits.